If Your Life Was a Pie, How Would You Slice It?

pie slicesWho doesn’t love pie, right?

Wonderful holiday pies, pies with berry filling oozing out of the crust; crème pies filled with your favorite flavors, sweet pies, savory pies…

Yum, yum, yum!

Perhaps you’ll bring one home for your next dinner party to share with family and/or friends.

Or maybe you’re an awesome baker and will make one yourself.

When it comes time to serve that tasty pie, you’ll divide it up. Maybe the pieces won’t be perfectly even but everyone who wants a piece will get one. And since you’re doing the pie cutting, you might even cut yourself one that’s a tiny bit bigger because after all, you did all the “heavy lifting”, right?!? (truth bomb here…I know I would!)

I’m pretty sure dividing up that pie will be easy and effortless.

Of course, being that the pie was so delicious, some might want seconds (sure, if there’s any left) or maybe even whine a bit because their piece wasn’t big enough (too bad, so sad!).

But regardless, everyone at the table (including you) who wants pie will get to enjoy a piece because it wouldn’t make sense to do it any other way, right?

So, how come it’s so easy to divide up the “dessert” pie fairly, but when it comes time to dividing up your “life” pie, things get so out of whack?

I hear it from my clients all the time. They’re tired and overwhelmed and when we take a look at how they are dividing their time, it goes something like this…

A big chunk of time goes towards work. Then there’s a piece for the kids. And the chores. And don’t forget family obligations and oh yeah, your spouse or significant other.

At the very end of that litany is a small voice that says “and after I take care of everyone else, there’s no piece left for me.”

Well, who made THAT decision?

When did you decide everyone else deserved a piece of the pie EXCEPT you?

You can offer all sorts of reasons and make all sorts of rationalizations as to why it is the way it is, but the truth is, some part of you is deciding you don’t matter. Or that you matter a lot less than everyone else.

So, in the immortal words of Bob Newhart, you need to STOP IT!

Of course, it’s not that easy to do, is it?

Those old stories and judgments about “who do you think you are??” are always hovering in the background, waiting to pounce whenever you think about having the situation exactly the way you want.

But underneath the guilt and the shame and the feelings of being unworthy, is the part of you that decided a long, long time ago it was safer to give it up than it was to have it all.

It’s about time to make a different decision, wouldn’t you agree?


Step one is to take 100% responsibility for yourself and the decisions you are making. This can be a tough one because in the past, we might have seen ourselves as the victim or without power. Let today be the day you decide that YOU are in charge rather than at the mercy of circumstances.

Step two is to move away from Judgment and Criticality and into Wonder and Curiosity. Instead of judging yourself as “less than” or criticizing yourself for not being super human, allow yourself to just get curious about why things are the way they are and wonder what else is possible? Playfulness and humor are good skills to support this new behavior.

This is where a coach or mentor can really make a difference. Having someone who is a compassionate “observer” of your choices and behaviors can bring about transformation much quicker than just trying to work it out on your own. A great coach asks the sorts of questions that can quickly move you out of the stuck place of “either/or” and into the expansiveness of “both/and” which opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

Step three is all about nourishment and refining the act of receiving in equal measure to giving. It’s time to recognize that we need to nourish ourselves if we are going to be able to go the distance to make our dreams come true. Nourishment isn’t just about what you put in your mouth either. It comes from the Latin nutrire which means “to feed, nurse, foster, support, preserve”. It’s lovely when we are always nurturing others, but we must also receive it for ourselves. This means being an advocate for ALWAYS serving ourselves a piece of the “pie” rather than giving to everyone else and having nothing left for ourselves except crumbs and dirty dishes.

pie crumbs
I know you can do this because when you serve pie, you have no trouble figuring out how many people get a piece (including you) and that’s how many pieces you cut.

You need to do the same with your personal “pie”. ADD YOURSELF to the top of the list of people you’re serving and make sure that you get a big enough piece because you ARE doing the heavy lifting.

Everyone will still get served and you will feel so much more nourished and satisfied.

Best dessert ever!

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